This is my story...

Hi there! The name's Teddy Perrault, and this is my blog.

I'm a 25 year old pro soccer player, who just so happens to be gay. Out and proud of it. I play in the MLS, and for most of my life I've hidden who I was. But now, I am opening up my private blog, in hopes that someone won't make some of the mistakes I've made...and trust me, as you read this, you are going to find that there is a LOT. You might even end up hating me, or loving me. That's your call. 

So why did I do this? I think it was my great-aunt Mavis who told me that a wise man once told her, "He who truly lives without fear, is truly free." I think it was my great-great-grandfather Edouard "Ted" Perrault (guess you know who I'm named after) who told her that. And she's right. I'm doing this as I want to do the right thing, and not so I could be placed on a pedestal or anything...I just want to show the world that well, there is just nothing to hide.

What you are about to read is my story, starting from senior year of high school to now -- and I'm sticking to it. Well, it's the only story I got, so it's hard for me not to stick with it.

So scroll down, and enjoy. Thanks for reading!

- Teddy.

Season...done.

My life is over.

My ankle is fucked, royally. Got it caught on the turf during a tackle in our last game, and it snapped like a dry branch. I was rushed to the hospital for further tests, but I knew the diagnosis before the doctors could tell me: my senior season is DONE. They tried to tell me it was fixable, but I was so hepped on painkillers, I barely could understand all the medical words they were tossing at me.

Goodbye England, goodbye Europe, goodbye MLS. I’d be lucky if I could get into the USL now. Or was it the NASL? I know another North Carolina guy is up there, David Testo I think? Maybe if I’m good enough, Montreal might take me...but then I’d have to learn French.

No, I can’t give up. I can’t. I’m getting surgery on it tomorrow, and if it all works out and we make it to College Cup, I could make it back.

...I hope. 

How time flies...

Wow, it's been a while since I've written on here! I thought I was only going to leave this for a couple weeks, but turns out it's been almost two years...

It's been a wild ride, but I've loved every moment of it...but now, I'm in the last year of my college career. We still haven't won the College Cup, but you're looking at one of the top defender prospects for the 2010 MLS Superdraft.

...That's IF I choose to sign with the MLS team that picks me! I got a call from a team in England last week who said they want me try out for them. Granted, the team is in League One, but it's ENGLAND. ENGLAND! What soccer-playing kid growing up ANYWHERE in the world wouldn't dream of playing in Europe?! It'd be a dream come true if they signed me, but as coach said...one step at a time. We've still got a whole season to go, and one more shot at winning that national championship before I make the jump across the Pond. The senior team and even the 2010 World Cup in South Africa can't be far off from here!

Well, that's the dream anyway. In the last year I've gotten the chance to train with some MLS teams, and even got to play a full summer of semi-pro ball with a PDL team (we won a few games, but didn't make the playoffs). And to add to that, I even got a chance to visit Germany to see Werder Bremen play. I even got to see my other hero, Torsten Frings, play. And even better, if the reports from all the press and the blog types are right, I could be a high draft pick.

...IF I choose to go to MLS. IF. What kid that started playing soccer in Billings, Montana could say that!?

Speaking of dreams, I'm still with Amy. Going on two years now, and it seems my feelings for other guys have gone. Jake's not convinced I can keep up the "charade" forever with her, but I'm sure I've beaten it. He keeps telling me about how excited he is about him and Les moving in together in their new apartment in Queens, and nags at me to about how I would leave Amy and Denton like I did abandoned him that night at Tanner's house. We got into an argument over the phone, which we kinda later came to the conclusion was stupid -- that's Jake and I's relationship for ya, we bicker like an old married couple sometimes, but we somehow make up.

What's important is that I keep reminding myself of what's important, and the feelings go away. Life is good, and really, it can only get better! My soccer dreams are alive, and I've got a beautiful girlfriend who keeps me grounded. Everythings's great!

Quick update...

Apparently Denton tried to commit suicide last week, and now he's dropping out...I guess my secret's safe for now, but it seems the rumors are still going around. Thank God I have Amy with me.

Big win again last night, saved a sure goal in front of pro scouts, national TV, and the girlfriend. Can't help but be stoked by that.

We're getting close to the playoffs, and I've got three midterms tomorrow so no more time to write. It's squeaky bum time, as they say in England...

Dodged a bullet!

Well, Denton did it...but somehow I was able to dodge a bullet, and a pretty big one at that, thanks to a very good friend.

When I broke up with Denton, the last message he said was I'd be sorry for breaking up with him...and well, I opened up the school newspaper a couple days ago, and instead of our team winning a home-and-home series against our rivals leading off the sports section, it was an "expose" by Denton about a gay player that was on the soccer team. He didn't name the person specifically, but he dropped enough hints to make sure that everyone suspected it was me. In short, I was pretty much outed without being named.

Naturally, walking into the locker rooms the next day was pretty awkward...and even on the way, some of my teammates were already asking. Except they saw me with Amy.

Oh yeah, Amy. She's a freshman who I met at a game over the summer in North Carolina. She's pretty, intelligent, and well, things sort of changed when she told me she was going to the same school as I was...and well, it's hard not to fall in love with someone like her. She gave me those same feelings that I had when I spent time with Denton, except it's not...well, career ending, which would suck.

So my teammates saw me with Amy, and let's just say the rumors ended right there. I don't know what's going to happen to Denton, but I don't think it's going to be good. But at least, I don't get those feelings I have for guys any more, which means I can focus on soccer and winning a national championship...and Amy, of course.

Oh yeah, Jake came out to his entire family last week, and apparently they took it surprisingly well. I met his boyfriend Les over the summer when they came to a game, and they look so perfect together...kinda like how things are with me and Amy. It's good to be feeling free again.

A nasty breakup

Well, I finally heard back from Denton, and let's just say he's not happy about being dumped. I checked my phone after practice, and I saw seven missed calls from Denton.

When I called him back, all I heard was just a lot of screaming and shouting. It took 15 minutes before I could get a word in, and even then it just sent him into another fit of yelling, calling me a liar, a shithead, a jerk and a user...this went on for over 45 minutes before I had to hang up.

A few minutes after I did, I got a message: "You're going to be sorry for what you did." I don't know what he means, and I'm kind of worried now.

What am I going to do?

It's done.

I've been home for less than 48 hours, and after having lost almost two straight nights of sleep about it...I decided to dump Denton.

I sent him a text, but he hasn't returned my message. It feels awful, but it's gotta be done.

As for the PDL team, they're willing to give me a tryout. I have to focus on that now, what's done is done.

Bye, Denton...I'm sorry.