The night before Sectionals...

Well, here it is...my first entry of my soon-to-be autobiography. I don't know what compelled me to start this (especially since I'm keeping this private), but hey...someday whoever writes my biography could use this.

Anyway. I can't believe it's already senior year, and this is going to be my last playoffs. This is going to be the year that we win State. I know it in my heart, and so do my teammates...and of course, Jake.

We won our District round game against some school from the other side of town pretty easily, and tomorrow we'll be heading into Sectionals. The farther we go, the more college scouts will be there, and it's making me nervous. My grades are pretty crappy compared to Jake's, but to be able to keep playing I know I gotta impress some scout out there to get me a full ride, or something like that.

But I know someone is watching over me...God and Dad are two, but if what Coach told me last week is true, then I could be heading to a school somewhere playing college soccer. After that, it'll be MLS, Europe, and then the world. Someday, the world's strikers will soon tremble in fear when they hear my name, super central defender Teddy Perrault, from the United States!

But there's something that I know God won't like, and that's the thing I feel for Jake. Sure, there's my girlfriend Teri, but ever since my family moved to Charlotte, I've known Jake. We've done everything together, went to school together, played on the same teams. Our families are close, and on our yearly camping trips together, I usually share a tent with him where we would kiss and jack each other off. No one's seen us do it, of course Dave (my step-dad) would kick my ass if he busted me, and if anyone on the team ever found out, it'd surely be the end of my soccer dreams.

It's not a new feeling, either. I've had these attractions to guys since I was very young: a guy I once knew when I was in Montana, his parents caught him masturbating to gay porn, and we never heard from him again. Last I heard, he committed suicide last year. I've tried to pray it away, but it hasn't worked so far. The pastor at my church keeps saying that being gay is a sin, but why the hell does it feel so right?

No, I have to keep focusing on the game tomorrow. I can't let this shit distract me again...gotta focus on the soccer.